tribute / Barb

you can shed tears that he is gone,

or you can smile because he lived.

you can close your eyes and pray

that he'll come back,

or you can open your eyes

and see all that he has left.

your heart can be empty

because you can't see him,

or you can be full of the love that you shared.

 

you can turn your back on tomorrow and live for yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

you can remember him and only that he is gone,

or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

you can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what he would've wanted:

SMILE, open your eyes, love and go on...

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hey... / Barb

hi u...

no particular reason for writing tonite...just wanted to and have'nt for a long time. the kids are in bed and i'm listening to the radio thinking about you...that's it.

the kids had another birthday on sat...9 years old already...it's so hard to believe. they are growing so fast and remind me so much of you. harrison's the 2nd tallest kid in his class...the tallest kid is a giant...he must be damn near 6 feet!!!!!!!!!!!! em's the tallest girl in her class...and the 2nd tallest kid. she's swimming with the swim club again this year and doing really well. she takes acting classes as she's quite the drama queen!!!!!! harrison starts bmx again in april, plays floor hockey and has a paper route.

as for me...i'm happy...very happy. the sun is starting to shine more so i'm becoming more of a flower and less of a mushroom!!!!!! life is good...lots of changes in the past year...mostly for the good. i'm moving forward more and more everyday and it feels great. i look back to the old "me" and i don't even recognize that girl. it's been a very tough 4 years but i think i've weathered the storm and am sailing on smooth water now. i feel strong and confident and have faith in the future. it's hard but i did it.

more thoughts to come...later gater b

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ascension / Barb
Ascension
And if I go
while you’re still here . . .
know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
- behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time
when we can soar together again,
- both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to the fullest.
And when you need me,
just whisper my name in your heart . . .
I will be there.
Colleen Corah Hitchcock Close

i wish june would just disappear  / Barb
it's almost another year that's passed since you left this earth. i really dread the month of june and if i had my choice there would only be 11 months in the year. i get in such a tizzy in june and literally turn into an emotional wreck. the kids get emotional, i get emotional and it gets ugly!!!!!!!!! harrison's just starting to talk about you, em's having meltdowns again, and i...well you know what happened monday. you've been around lately, i feel you and i guess you must have talked some sense into this crazy woman's head before i blew a really great thing. many thanx for the divine intervention and the swift kick!!!!!!

i guess for me it's so hard because the kids pass into another grade, father's day falls in june, and we lost you in june. i feel so bad for the kids on father's day that they don't have a dad to give their handmade cards to. father's day for them is watching helium balloons float into the sky. this year we're going camping as em really does'nt like to celebrate father's day. can't say that i blame her. 

i don't know exactly what it is but it's so hard to put the game face on in june. i try to be strong for the kids but deep down i could just lay in bed for the month and eat chocolate!!!!!!!! july comes and i'm back to myself again. what's up with that? i'm hoping as the years go on the "june blues" will lessen in intensity or disappear altogether. i really get the self pity thing happening and i'm actually quite pathetic!!!!!!! i'll be better after the 24th...always am...and can get back to "normal" whatever that may be!!!!!!! more thoughts to come later. miss ya kid barb

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roby whelen ;;;;;;;;;;;;;  / Harrison Whelen (son)

happy new year                       ther are family ther are for new peaple in are family 
thees are the for new peaple in are family       
mum met a new boy his name is ondrey  i went on the plane with emily but not mum we wer unicumidy miners we went to vancouver  we had los of fun ther we mist mum                                                          

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merry chistmis  / Harrison Whelen (sun)
dear dad it is all most chistmis i am icsited for chistmis is on deseber
2006 it is all most jan. I am doing god in scool I am in grade 2 mie
techers names are mrs. lund and mrs. witcherly i have two techers
we mouved away to penticton Iam seven but I am going to turn 8
in two moths me and emilyare going on the plane after chistmis
by are selfs to see are antys we are going too  have two chistmiss
one chistmis in penticton and one in vancoover soe hwo is evry thing doing in heven is it going good or not soe good hows in heven wele inoe dads ther moms likes toblones love them /;..;/ dad
from harrison Close

Merry Christmas  / Barb

as i write i feel so many emotions...the older i get the more they creep up. today is an especially hard day for me...not only is it christmas eve but it's another 1/2 year that you've been gone. june 24 and dec 24 are tough days to swallow. christmas eve holds mixed emotions for me...the kids are restless...em's sad...i'm feeling a bit of both but the show will go on. as christmas gets closer i feel twinges of sadness at the fact that so many people are missing out on another christmas with you but at the same time excited about it. i know you're in a good place and feel your presence so often but it's not the same for the kids especially. they miss being able to touch you. i'm finally at peace and feel happy and content to move on. it's taken a while and it has'nt been easy...i think the roller coaster ride is finally over! this past month has been truly wonderful and your timing is impeccable...thanx!!!!!!! i know angels are sent for many different reasons in many different forms...you sent a good one. 
the kids are going to visit your mom and the girls in less than a week...big, huge step for me...it's all good...a big part of my moving on too. i guess it's time for everybody to spread their wings. i realize that i can't just keep everybody that i love in a bubble so nothing will happen to them. it's very hard for me but i'll survive and so will everybody else. i'm sure you're just shaking your head and rolling your eyes like you always used to at me. it's a "mom" thing. those "firsts" are always the toughest. i'm actually loosening up...a lot...you'd be proud of me!!!!!!!!! i'm happy, i'm content, although i miss you very much and think of you everyday i know everything will be fine and hopefully i've seen the last of the bridge. merry christmas my sweet angel...come back soon. i miss you. b 

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missing you...  / Barb
today was an ordinary day...worked... just the everyday stuff. when i checked the mail i found an envelope from auntie gaye. i opened it and found grampa's obituary in it. i read it and when i came to the part where he was preceded in death by you i felt a wave of sadness come over me like i have'nt felt in a very long time. to see it printed in black and white was reality. it's not like i did'nt realize that you were gone but it's something about seeing those words on that paper really hit home for me... preceded in death by his grandson rob whelen. i guess the reality part is starting to kick in and it's time to face it. 
when your mom called to tell me that grampa had died i was so saddened but at the same time relieved. he lived a long and happy life and was ready to move on. when i told the kids em's reply was "now daddy will have company in heaven" she's such a sweet little girl and so grown-up for her age. she told me one night as i was tucking her in that her heart does'nt hurt as much anymore...she compared it to a puzzle with a thousand pieces with only 3 or 4 pieces missing. WOW!!!!!! what an analogy for such a little girl. she's such a good girl...you would be so proud of her. she swims like a fish, reads and prints so well and loves school.
harrison is having a pretty tough time as i know he misses you but won't talk much. he's ready to talk but finds it difficult but have found the answers. he's tall like you and loves basketball. either he shoots hoops or rides his bike after school. as he gets older i see so much of you in him...a whiz at math, looks like you, loves to race, a handyman, even writes like you, and a heart of gold. the two of you would get along so well. you would be so proud of him. i'm so proud of both of them and am so thankful for having you for 10 years and the 2 very special gifts that we were given 7 years ago. 
i'm just lonesome for you and wish you could be here to watch them grow. i'm getting better at beginnings and endings but still don't like facing them alone. the worst is the first day of school...i really dread that day every year. hopefully by the time they reach middle school i'll have the hang of it!!!!!!! 
i'll write more later...brain's getting foggy. miss you...keep watching over us. love b Close

#406 is hot on car #53 's tail!!!!!!!  / Barb

last night i felt the magic of the driver of  car #53 helping a 7 year old boy on bike #406. i'm still in awe as to how you can still be such a big part of our lives. i know you're looking down and smiling. harrison has your love of racing, that drive you had to win in his blood, and your good sportsmanship all rolled in to such a wiry little body. i saw the disappointment in his little face when he missed that 1st by a hair but was so proud of him as he showed so much maturity. he rode his little heart out but did'nt quit. all he wants so badly is to win 1st just once. he's got some pretty stiff competition but he manages to hold his own. he has had such a difficult time since you died and i think we have finally found his niche. that track is his comfort zone and in some way maybe he feels a connection to you being there. 
i was so proud of him when he got his trophy. i don't even think he knows that it was for being a new rider!!!!!! he was on cloud nine grinning from ear to ear. i on the other hand could barely see through the tears.  he did'nt even ask what it was for he just made a spot on his shelf and beamed with pride as he brushed off the dust. he's such a sweet little boy...he needs a coach with a bit of racing experience to help out twice a week...preferably somebody that used to drive car #53. now  taking resumes from heaven!!!!!!!! rock on #53.

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Without You  / Tracey (Whelen) Fitzgerald (Loving Sister )
As you all know, Robbie is a typical brother that caused nothing but problems (blessings)  for us all.  That includes all four sisters and our Mother, Gloria.  He is a Master of all Domains and will remain the champion in all the years to follow.

Robbie is the most kindhearted and sensitive soul that  I have ever come across.  He understood everthing that you wanted talk about, everything you didn't want to talk about and everything He wanted to talk about.  He made you feel so warm and comfortable.  

My tribute to my brother is, that I Thank Him for everything I am today and everything I shall become.  He does'nt know what he has done for me and God willing I will see him again soon.

I Love You Robbie and miss you too much.

Your Youngest Sister,

Tracey Rae  Close

Another Angel for God  / Auntie Gaye Duggan (His Aunt )
Time goes on but the loss of Robbie seems to be standing still.

I think of Barb, Emily and Harrison often.  Harrison you look so much like your daddy when he  was your age.  Be a good boy for you mom OK.
Remeber the fun we all had when you visited me in California that last fourth of July.  You learned how to swim after falling into the pool. AND then we couldn't get you out of it.  Remember the fire works that Uncle Frank lit for you while you and you Dad and Emily sat in the spa and watched.  I will always treasure that time.  The last time I saw you Dad.
Emily, I loved the way your Dad called you "girly,girl" he loved you with all of his heart.  You Dad is in Heaven with Jesus and he is always with you. just close your eyes and say a prayer and he will be there in your dreams.
I love you all.....Auntie Gaye and Uncle Frank Close

May The Good Lord Be With You. / Anna Vallee (Worked for him at Taco Time)
I Fine myself thinking sometimes about the times at Taco Time and about what all has happened in the past year. I honestly think that god brings these challenges into our lives to make us stronger and to help us understand some things. It wasn't Robs time to die i honestly think it was Robs time to live! Now he lives happy as ever not having to deal with tears and pain and anything else he was dealing with. As of everyone he has left behind he will always be watching over them. I really have a place in my heart for your whole family Barb Emily and Harrison You guys are so strong I look up to you for keeping on going I love you all and i think about you sooooo much Keep hanging in there and leaning on god he will help you through all your going through.  If u guys ever need me don't hesitate to phone i will always be here for you. 
Love always Anna Close

Free at last  / Marcie Matthews (met in PG)
 Dear Barb & kids,
Thank God for the strength you have to deal with losing Rob twice. I met your family when you were all full of excitment and plans for your new home and future in Prince George, it broke my heart to see it all come apart in just a very short time. When you called to tell me about the accident that took Rob's life, the first thing that came to my mind was that you and the kids have lost him again and this time for good, I can't amagine how painful those months were for you. It was a higher power that took Rob from you the first time and it was also a higher power that took Rob's life so he wouldn't have to suffer any longer, he is now free of pain and he has gone to a better place. You have proven to be the strong one Barb, you and the kids will always have place for Rob in your hearts and people around you will learn a valuable life lesson from your loss.
 Wishing you all the best for today and the future,
Marcie           Close